PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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