somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
