ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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