nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
