Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
