All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
