when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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