im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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