i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
