omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
