how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
