Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
