and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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