I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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