i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize