i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
