is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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