he wants to bone in the snuggie
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
