i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
