I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
