So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
