And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
BRING THE BAGELS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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