My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize