I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
