Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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