Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
