The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
