we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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