I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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