$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
