I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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