i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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