Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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