If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
