The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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