We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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