I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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