I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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