ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
