I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
