Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
