The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
