Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize