oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
