When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
