I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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