i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she looked like the before picture.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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