I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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