I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
