Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
