I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
