I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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