Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
