what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
