I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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