Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
