Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
