suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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