The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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