Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
