Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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