I skipped work to stalk him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
