I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
