Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
