Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
