god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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