Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
