she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am available for nakedness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
